Chapter 4: A game of distinction

My thoughts on this chapter are that people are always giving their opinions and saying that something is wrong with you, just because you don’t feel like doing things you would normally do, doesn’t necessarily mean you’re suicidal or that your health is deteriorating. Sometimes people are just tried of doing the same old stuff and they have to change it up. Being in a rut is boring and when you change your surroundings you’ll have to change your behavior. Libermans mother was only trying to adjust to her surroundings. To her the east coast was just not up to her bridge standard which is why she had to adapt and try something different to fit in with the other people in the community. Her family thinks she has withdrawn and is worried about her but they may have all been wrong and once they understand her behavior they leave her alone and accept that people change for the better and not always for the worse. When dealing with senior citizens you have to patient and remember they are going through a new period in their lives. The will definitely take time to adjust and in order to help them adjust we will have to have a new level of understanding and willingness to learn and help the aging parent. I really do believe that patience and understanding will go along way when dealing with the elderly, even when things are rough, you just have to keep on pushing and it will all come together. You have to keep a positive attitude and remember that your parent once took care of you and did the same if even more for you, and you should be happy to lend a helping hand.In the end it should all work out to benefit everyone.

Leslie-Ann Ellington

Chapter 15: One Voice

In this chapter, Liberman talks about various decisions that had to be made concerning his mother. Senior citizens as they age start losing their independence, and have to depend on their children a lot for the first time in their live probably, and it is probably going to be a challenge. Libermans mother got in a car accident, resulting in the decision of them selling her car and she was ecstatic to get rid of it deeming it was dangerous, however, she started to realize that her independence was slowly being surrendered. Afterwards his mother began to talk about her father and how his death changed her life, and she had never shared these things before. I believe that when something life changing happens to an elderly person they begin to realize that everything around them is going to change and they have to come terms with it. If you are married, you should take charge and responsibility for your parent and have one voice whenever you make a decision. I can imagine that if you and your spouse both were confronted separately by your parent and you each gave different answers there would indeed be problems created within the marriage. It would only make sense that it would be less stressful and more reasonable for you to deal with your family as the leader so that it would not interfere with your marriage. Liberman handles each situation in a patient, yet caring and stern at the same time. I admire the way he handled each situation and his tips are very helpful when it comes to dealing with an aging parent and everything that will and can be thrown at you to handle.As our parents age, we have to always be alert and ready at any moment to prepare for change and adjusting our lives.

Leslie-Ann Ellington

Chapter 9: Time to move closer to the kids

As senior citizens begin to age, moving closer to the kids most likely becomes an option. You have to think about your parent's income and if they can afford to pay for their living arrangements or not. During this period there may be many disagreements and you should not allow it to hinder your relationship. Of course when talking to your parent about moving out of their home, which has most likely been their comfort zone for many years, there will be some issues and it may take time for them to agree, or they may never agree, but you have to do what's in their best interest. If you happen to take over a parents finances, the important thing to do is to keep them up to date, so they feel involved and they still know that they have some type of involvement in their lives. My grandmother lived in Jamaica all her life and most of her children lived close to her so she was always with her family so that was never a problem for her. She lived very comfortably during the last days, all her kids went to be with her, and they reminisced and it was very nice. I enjoyed visiting my grandmother whenever we got the chance to, and hear her and my aunts and uncles stories about their younger years. Liberman talks about how his mother was hasty at first but in the end she let him invest her money and in the long run it was the best thing for her. He kept her updated and she never questioned him about anything dealing with her finances because she gained trust with him and she knew she could depend on him. When parents make a move, they know they are making a change and of course it will take time to adjust but just with everything else you just have to have patience.

Leslie-Ann Ellington

Chapter 5: Dying and Death

Death is a tough subject for anyone. Liberman says that when it comes to death and dying you shouldn't care about what others say when it come to making a decision for you parent, go with your gut feeling and trust your self. There is really no real way to prepare for death itself, but you should have a plan as far as funeral arrangements and financial costs. Emotionally and physically everyone handles death differently. It is important that you realize that your extended family and friends are grieving as well, and to be considerate of their needs. I remember when my grandmother died, it was expected because she was ill, however, it still hit me that I would never see her again, and I just wanted to be alone for awhile, before I talked and hung out with my friends. Realizing that death is ultimately out of your hands, and that you can't blame yourself, is important. As well as knowing that there will be emotions, and that there is only so much that we can do to make our parent comfortable in their last day. In the end days I believe we just have to be their for our parents and whatever they need help them to the best of our abilities in making sure that they get the best care and everything they need. However, we are also limited in that area, because we can only do whatever our parent accepts and whether or not they understand what is happening to them. I remember when my grandmother died, my mother was strong for the most part, when she actually did breakdown, I just listened and asked her if she needed anything, and her church family was there for her the whole time as well. Grief is an experience that no one looks forward to and it takes time to deal with, its a process just as anything else in dealing with an aging parent. I think that as long as we take time to listen and just go day by day in the end days we can make our parent comfortable and as happy as possible.

Leslie-Ann Ellington

Chapter 2 Some Lessons learned in dealing with an aging parent

In this chapter Liberman talks about lessons he learned while dealing with an aging parent. Liberman gives 13 recommendations as to what to look out for and what to do when your parent is getting older and close to end-of-life. Senior citizens are older and more concerned with things such as wills, family time, and just talking to someone. A major issue in my opinion is that people don't know how to deal with their parents when they get to that age, and they just put them in a nursing home and leave them there. I did clinicals at a nursing home and after doing so, I made up my mind that I would never put my parents in a nursing home because of the staff, and how the elderly were treated. I like the recommendation that Liberman gave about giving the elderly space, and knowing what to say and when. I think it is important to know where your relationship is with your parents because you do have to remember that your both older and at different places in your life. Senior citizens love to look back at their lives and share their memories all the time with family, and friends. They may repeat a story more than once, so you have to be patient with them. Patience is the key when dealing with kids and with the elderly. Remember that one day you will be in their shoes, and you want to be treated with love, respect, and care when you reach that stage in life, so as I will always remember and I think everyone should use it in their daily lives, "Do unto others, as you would want done unto you." If we use that in our lives we will always succeed in everything we try and achieve.

Leslie-Ann Ellington